


Toe the Line

by Tsukino_Akume



Series: Ruigi [1]
Category: Power Rangers, Power Rangers Samurai
Genre: Adolescent Sexuality, Angst with a Happy Ending, Families of Choice, M/M, Past Brainwashing, Past Child Abuse, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-23
Updated: 2016-04-23
Packaged: 2018-06-03 23:19:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6631204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tsukino_Akume/pseuds/Tsukino_Akume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Conner addresses an issue Jayden wasn’t aware he had.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Toe the Line

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer/:** Definitely not mine, or there really would be one giant Power Ranger Family. And it would be canon.  
>  **Warnings/:** Discussion of Child Abuse and Child Neglect, Aftereffects of Brainwashing, Forms of Self-Harm  
>  **Author's Notes/:** For all my lovely fans of Changing Tactics, and Asarita, who asked how Jayden and Antonio’s relationship transitioned from best friends into eventual husbands. SO MUCH LOVE to Starlit Purple for beta work. ♥
> 
> I have a lot of headcanon and Feels about the Sealing Symbol. While Changing Tactics ‘verse covers my headcanon of how Jayden would have dealt with it, it’s still my headcanon for how the Symbol works in general. For anyone who loves Changing Tactics, this story may change your view on a lot of things that happen in it. You are hereby forewarned!
> 
> Language translations are available by moving your mouse over the text, or in the notes at the end; whichever you prefer.
> 
> Emergency Levels:  
> One - Someone is emotionally injured  
> Two - Someone is physically injured  
> Three - Someone’s life is in danger  
> Four - Multiple lives are in danger  
> Five - The world is in danger

The front door banged open.

" _Hola, Hyeong_ ," Jayden greeted a moment later, frowning at his homework spread out across the kitchen table. 

"How do you do that?" Conner demanded not for the first time, heading for the fridge to grab one of the bottles of water Dad kept stocked for their various visitors. "That is seriously freaky." 

He shrugged a shoulder wordlessly. He could have pointed out that only his siblings let the front door slam open that way - usually Conner and Ethan, but also Kira if she was excited about something. Or that Conner drove a car with a very loud, very distinct engine. But it was more fun to keep him guessing. 

"Where is everybody, anyway?" 

"Conference call with S.P.D. Eltar, Command, squad training mission on the moon, and fishing," he replied absently. "If you meant the other house, sim training, street duty, teaching a class in the second common area, infirmary, and fishing. _Imo_ , Dad, and Adam are level one emergencies, Rocky and Zack are at two. _Appa_ is level three. _Tia_ is level four, and no, I don’t know why." _Who decided math needed letters, anyway?_ he grumbled mentally. 

Silent laughter echoed back at him. _:: Need help? ::_

_:: I can do it. I just don't see the point. ::_

A hand poked his shoulder. 

He grabbed it instinctively, starting to twist, and froze just in time. He swallowed hard, glancing at Conner briefly to make sure he hadn't hurt him before looking away again as he released him. "Sorry," he mumbled, feeling horrible. 

"Ow," Conner remarked mildly, rolling his shoulder. "You were ignoring me." 

"I was thinking about my homework," he fibbed. Conner always got a weird look on his face when he and Antonio were 'pathing; he'd lie if anyone asked, but they knew it made him uncomfortable. "You know not to sneak up on me." 

"It's not sneaking if I'm already standing next to you, dude. And talking to Antonio isn't homework." 

He tried not to wince; the Family was getting better at catching them talking to each other. "Sorry. What'd you need?" 

Conner hesitated for a split second. "You still call Rocky and Adam's place home?" 

Jayden shrugged indifferently. "Doesn't everyone?" 

He heard Conner sigh as he returned to his homework. It was true, though: Aisha had lived with Rocky and Adam almost as long as Antonio had, and no one had batted an eye when Zack finally moved in with them at Antonio's insistence. All the Rangers thought of each other's place as home; he'd never seen any of them treat it as anything else. 

A hand settled over his homework, lightly tugging it away. "Hey," he protested half-heartedly. He may not want to finish his homework, but _Imo_ wouldn't let him do anything after dinner until it was done. 

He looked up to see Conner looking oddly serious. " _... Hyeong?_" he asked warily. 

The serious expression faded into something more thoughtful. "I didn't use to understand why you called me that, you know," Conner said abruptly. "I thought it was weird, calling someone you'd just met your brother." 

The words weren't exactly a surprise, but it still hurt to hear. A lot of things had been happening when he met his sibs for the first time, between the evil White Ranger, Jayden’s arrival followed by the rest of the family, and their continuing battle with Mesogog. It had taken time for the Dino Thunder team to adjust to the idea that their mentor even had a family, let alone becoming part of the Family. 

"But ... you are my brother,” he said softly. “Even then, you already were." 

Conner blinked, refocusing to give him a warm smile. "Of course I am. I just didn't know it back then." 

There was a matter of fact tone to his voice that made Jayden smile back, just a little. 

Conner patted his hand absently. "So as your big brother, it's my job to talk to you about the things you need to know to get by in the world," he continued. He paused again. "You've had the sex talk, right?" 

Jayden gave him a wary look. "Yes. From Zack," he added, knowing it mattered which parent he’d heard it from. 

Conner relaxed slightly. "Good. That makes this easier." He drew himself up, meeting Jayden's eyes directly. "Jayden, have you ever thought about Antonio sexually?" 

For the longest time, they just sort of stared at one another. 

Jayden tried, several times, to find something to say, only to stop every time he opened his mouth and close it again. His brain had turned into some sort of strange, fizzled stream of consciousness from half-formed thoughts. Distantly, he was aware of Antonio’s alarm, and that he was trying to reach out to him to find out what was wrong. 

_:: I’m fine, :: _he pushed eventually through sheer force of will, and firmly closed off his mind.__

He tried again to say something as Conner waited. His throat felt strangely tight, and he didn’t know why. After what seemed like ages, he finally managed to make a strange, strangled sort of sound that was slightly more audible than a puff of air. 

Conner frowned. "Is that a yes or a no?" 

" _No!_ " he burst out finally. He forced himself to take a deep breath, trying to bring his voice back down to a reasonable level. "He's my best friend!" 

Conner raised an eyebrow, looking amused. "That doesn't mean you can't be attracted to him." 

He shook his head, running a hand over his hair in frustration. “Why would you even - why would you ask me that?” 

Oddly, that made Conner pause. He seemed to hesitate over his answer for a moment, before at last giving a long sigh. “Do you remember the first thing Antonio said to me after I met you? Together?” he clarified. 

Jayden frowned, trying to remember. He’d first met his sibs when they’d come running into the Dino Lair after the mess he’d made helping Dad. Everyone had been too busy focusing on the fact that his dad was free, and his dad was too busy trying to talk to him, so they hadn’t really said much at all to each other directly. 

Then Antonio had shown up with everyone else, and … then there was ice cream. Neither of them had really said much of anything at all until they were all at the table, trying not to stare at each other, and then Antonio said - 

“’This is Jayden’,” he remembered suddenly. “’My fiancé’.” Antonio had been trying to make him smile at the time, because after running away and finding Dad trapped in amber and then revealing himself to everyone, he’d been on the verge of a breakdown. It was Antonio’s way of letting Jayden know he wasn’t mad at him anymore. 

He frowned at Conner. “What does that have to do with anything? We told you that story.” And they had, much to the amusement of everyone present. Antonio’s renditions of their first meeting and the wedding incident were more extravagant each time he gave them. 

Conner gave him an exasperated look, but it was fond. “You were blushing the entire time he told it.” 

“Because it’s embarrassing!” he protested. 

“Okay, first of all? Even *I* thought that was cute,” Conner informed him. “And that’s just the beginning, dude. You and Antonio are … you and Antonio, you know?” 

“No, I don’t know,” he grumbled irritably. “What does that even mean?” 

Conner sighed. “Dude, you’re always together. *Always*. You share plates at dinner. You stay at each other’s house and sleep in the same bed. You finish each other’s sentences, and that’s not just because you can read each other’s mind - which is also a thing, because Rocky told us not everyone can do that. You never argue. You’re just - “ He handwaved for a moment. “You even talk about how you’re gonna get married one day, like it’s still a thing that’s going to happen.” 

“That was a *joke*,” he argued. “Antonio was just - “ 

“Jay,” Conner cut in, strangely gentle. “You two are practically married right now. It was cute when you were little, and I get why it’s like that with you. That’s not the point, okay? It’s just … you’re almost sixteen now. Those are the kind of things people do with the person they’re interested in for more than friendship, you know? And I think, maybe … you should think about that sometime.” 

"I don't have time for - " 

He stiffened, catching himself before he could finish what he'd been about to say, but he could still see Conner's jaw tighten. 

_I don’t have time for relationships. I have training._

There was a long moment of silence. Jayden couldn't take it back now, and he knew Conner wouldn't appreciate it if he tried. As protective as all of his sibs could be, Conner had the hardest time accepting the life Jayden had come from. Kira said it was because Conner felt like he’d failed at protecting his little brother before he’d even known he needed to, but Jayden had never understood what she’d meant by that. It wasn’t as if any of them had known about him back then. 

"Okay," Conner said eventually. "I'll drop it for now. Just ... promise me you'll think about it, okay?" 

_Think about *what*?_

But he nodded anyway. 

The front door opened again with the sound of Dad and _Imo_ arguing over groceries, and Conner stood up to go greet them. 

Jayden stared at his binder and tried to remember what he’d been working on. His skin felt too tight, like he was trapped in a body that wasn’t his own. He had the sudden urge to get up and run somewhere. Just run, until the world made sense again. 

Barely a moment after Conner walked away, the front door slammed, and Antonio came barreling around the corner soaking wet, chest heaving. “What is it? What happened?” he demanded. “Are you okay?” 

Jayden stared at him, trying to shove all the emotions swirling through him down as deep as possible. “We were just … talking,” he murmured. 

After a moment, he gave himself a mental shake and refocused on Antonio, who was still dripping all over the floor. “Did you _run_ the whole way home?” 

****

Antonio was giggling again. 

It wasn’t something he did often, or at least not when he was thinking about it, Jayden reflected as he watched Antonio out of the corner of his eye. Especially now that he was ‘almost practically an adult’ now at nearly a world-weary sixteen - Antonio’s words, not his. But every so often a giggle would slip out when he wasn’t paying attention. 

Like now, as they sat curled up on the couch together watching Antonio's favorite movie, _Finding Nemo_. 

"I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine," Antonio was reciting along with the characters on screen, giggling to himself and trying to look solemn as he kept a hand raised. "If I am to change this image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, _not food_." 

"Funny vow for a fisherman to be making," Jayden remarked mildly. 

He was rewarded with an elbow to the ribs and the loss of a handful of popcorn from the bowl on the floor in front of them. 

He wondered sometimes why Antonio stayed home with him on Friday nights. It was no secret that Jayden was a homebody. He'd been getting better since they'd started high school, but he was never going to be a very social person; too many years of being distant from others either by design or by choice. Antonio was a different story: he was popular among multiple social groups and everyone liked him - even the teachers he exasperated with his inability to sit still. Jayden knew perfectly well he'd been invited to a party tonight, but for some reason, he'd turned it down to stay home and marathon whatever movies they randomly grabbed out of the pile on the floor in front of the TV. 

"I never knew my father!" Antonio wailed in time with Bruce, glomping onto Jayden and pretending to cry into his shoulder. 

"I can call him in here if you want. I'm sure he'd love to fix that." 

Antonio huffed, sitting up to glare at him. “You’re ruining the movie, Jay.” 

Jayden rolled his eyes. “How am I ruining it?” 

“You’re supposed to participate, not mock!” 

“I’m not mocking.” 

Antonio stared at him. 

He stared back long enough for Chum to shout “Remember the steps, mate!” before the corner of his mouth started twitching. He ducked his head on reflex, trying to hide a grin. 

“I knew it! Traitor!” 

He yelped as Antonio pounced, tickling his sides ferociously. He squirmed as he reached back, trying to get away as much as get into a better position to retaliate. They were pretty evenly matched: Antonio had always been far more ticklish than Jayden was, but he also knew the best spots to make Jayden laugh after years of wrestling around as kids. 

The battle lasted until they were both breathless, gasping for air and thoroughly entangled in each other. Jayden’s head was smushed against Antonio’s chest, one arm pinned against the back of the couch and the other twisted awkwardly behind him. Antonio was wrapped around Jayden, and he took the opportunity to slide down into a more comfortable sprawl with Jayden laying on top of him. 

“Arm,” Jayden complained half-heartedly. 

Antonio lifted the arm not against the back of the couch, gently moving it forward with an absent hand squeeze. “Whiner.” 

It wasn't like he *wanted* Antonio to go out or anything. He always enjoyed the time they spent together no matter what they were doing, but weekends were special. Even with his training, there was still time for them to do silly things together, like marathoning movies or reading comic books or stealing one of the kitchens to experiment for an afternoon. Antonio would go out of his way to make Jayden laugh, and Jayden would retaliate by demanding they try some strange new thing he’d heard of, but never got around to trying. 

It was nice, being just the two of them. 

_Is it weird?_ he wondered as Antonio giggled softly under his ear at the pelicans. He’d never really stopped to think about it before. His friendship with Antonio was the first he’d ever had. He’d made a few friends since then, mostly thanks to Antonio making the introductions and pushing him to speak up, but none of them were anything like what he already had with his best friend. 

No one else understood him the way Antonio did. For years, Antonio had been the only person in the world who knew about the Samurai, and Octo, and _Shiba no Buki_. He knew why it was so important for Jayden to train every day, why he had to put practicing the sealing symbol before any after school club or goofing around with their sibs. Not only did he know, but he _understood_. He never made Jayden feel bad about putting his duty first. If anything, Antonio’s support was what made it easier to bear. 

But it was more than that. Antonio knew what Jayden wanted to say while he was still struggling to think the words. He knew when Jayden was avoiding something, when he was upset or trying to hide his excitement. The things he liked or didn’t, even when he never made any indication that he *had* a preference. Antonio could see the parts of him that no one else did. And more than that, he seemed to _like_ them. 

It was no secret really, that he loved Antonio. Antonio had found him, taught him what friendship was, and _remembered_ him. And once they’d found each other again, Antonio kept him grounded and gave him hope; he’d have been lost without him. 

And loving Antonio … well, that was easy. 

But that wasn’t what Conner meant, and he knew that. He meant - sex. And kissing and things. With - with Antonio. 

He’d never thought about it before Conner brought it up. He’d never been interested in anyone that way; there wasn’t _time_. He had Antonio and training and therapy and the Family and the symbol …when did he have time to think about being with someone like - like _that_? 

A finger poked him in the side. "I can see you brooding over there." 

"Am not," he said immediately. 

"Are ... " Antonio sing-songed, poking him again. "Tell me." 

"There's nothing to tell," he argued back. "I'm just ... thinking." 

"Then think about it with me." 

He hesitated a second too long; Antonio's eyes were narrowing. "It's not - " 

"It is something," Antonio interrupted flatly. "You wouldn't be keeping it from me if it was." 

He rolled his eyes. "I *do* keep things from you, you know," he pointed out, keeping his thoughts firmly positive. "I'm not going to tell you what I’m getting you for your birthday just because you pester me about it." 

Antonio's face lit up immediately before fading into a sly expression. "Jaaaayden ... " he crooned. 

"That never works," he reminded him. It was a little annoying, but nothing he couldn't handle. 

A hand drifted up his side, fingers wiggling threateningly. "Jaaaaaaaaayden ... " 

He squirmed a little, trying to get his knees under him. "That's not - " 

The fingers brushed against his ribs, and he barked out a laugh. "Stop it!" 

"Never!" 

'Never' lasted until Marlin and Dory began to wake up on the edge of the cliff. By the time it was over, they were both exhausted and so wrapped around one another it was hard to tell where Jayden ended and Antonio began. Neither of them was getting up without assistance. 

He watched Antonio run an absent hand along the side of his arm while Dory began to chant “Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming - “ and wondered at how bonelessly comfortable he felt. 

_Is it weird?_

"You'll tell me if it's important?" Antonio murmured eventually, leaning his head against Jayden's. 

"Of course." 

****

He tried to put the conversation with Conner out of his mind. He had training and summer school classes to focus on. There just wasn’t any time to consider his question. 

Except that it kept nagging at him. He had promised to think about it, hadn’t he? 

Which is how he found himself sitting in the library at school after classes had ended for the afternoon, staring at one of the lab computers while he waited for Antonio to finish talking to the other members of his group project. Without making any sort of conscious decision about it, he found himself pulling up Google. 

_‘How to know if you’re gay’_ came up surprisingly fast in the search bar. 

The second result to pop up was ‘Am I gay?: All the Tests.com’. 

_It can’t be that simple. … Can it?_

The first test he tried made him uncomfortable and slightly insulted. He guessed at the answers the best he could, feeling his face heat as it asked about things like being hit on and if he had a cute guy friend. People called Antonio cute all the time, so he supposed he was. And they’d known each other so long, obviously they’d seen each other naked a few times, but somehow he suspected that wasn’t what the quiz meant. 

The results page told him he might be a little gay. 

He rubbed his temples in frustration. Did this even count when half the answers didn’t apply? 

Maybe it was the wrong test. Another one might be more helpful. Antonio was still busy anyway, and well … what could it hurt? 

The next quiz gave him increasingly aggressive questions about a hypothetical situation in a bar leading to a one-night stand. Why would he even be in a bar, let alone go home with a complete stranger? He guessed at the answers again in frustration, until the test cheerfully told him he was straight. 

Another quiz told him he was probably Asexual or Aromantic - whatever that meant - or just too young for the test. 

He dropped his head on the desk. 

_:: ? ::_

_:: I’m fine, ::_ he answered to the mental nudge, firmly keeping his shields in place. _:: Just getting frustrated with some research. ::_

_:: You need any help? ::_

He flinched slightly. _:: No, you should be focusing on your project. I’m fine, don’t worry. ::_

He could feel Antonio’s skepticism from across the library. _:: If you’re sure … ::_

_:: You’re not using me as an excuse to get out of your project, Antonio. ::_

Antonio grumbled wordlessly, and he laughed to himself. _:: Get back to work and let me know when you’re finished. ::_

_::_ Me voy, me voy. _Slave driver. ::_

He shook his head, still smiling, before refocusing on the computer screen and randomly clicking another quiz with a sigh. 

_Question 3: If a member of the same sex tried to kiss you, you would …_

He had a sudden flash of Antonio’s face directly in front of his, and suddenly he couldn’t breathe. 

_If Antonio tried to kiss me, I would …_

_I would …_

_What *would* I do?_

He didn’t know, he realized numbly. 

Did that mean something? Not knowing what he’d do if Antonio tried to - to do something? Was it supposed to help tell him what he was? *If* he was - whatever? 

_:: Hey, we’re just finishing up now, ::_ Antonio broke into his thoughts cheerfully. _:: Any idea what you want to do for lunch today? ::_

He closed the browser abruptly, logging off the computer and quickly shoving his books into his bag. _:: Papa and Dad’s, ::_ he answered casually, ignoring the way his heartbeat seemed especially loud all of a sudden. _:: Papa said he was making lasagna tonight. ::_

It was one of Antonio’s favorites, after all. 

****

Two weeks passed before he was able to get up the nerve to convince himself to run another Google search. 

He spent an hour clicking random links, simultaneously feeling like his face was on fire and being incredibly grateful no one else was home. 

Which is why he really should have expected it when Justin showed up at the door, laptop under one arm and looking grim. 

Jayden blinked. “ _Hyeong?_ ” he asked warily. 

“Did you know I’m the network administrator for the Family?” 

He blinked again, startled. “Um, no. What does that have to do with - “ 

Justin leveled him with a firm look, and the words died in his throat. 

He immediate wished the ground would open up and swallow him. “ … Oh.” He swallowed awkwardly. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to - “ 

“You should have come to me,” Justin interrupted. 

He started. “I - what?” 

“You should. Have come. To me,” Justin repeated slowly, looking faintly exasperated. He reached out to put a hand on Jayden’s shoulder, directing him gently into the house. “Come on. This is going to be painful for both of us. And while we’re at it, you can tell me all about what made you decide you needed to google gay porn.” 

“Conner brought it up,” he mumbled at the floor, mostly for something to say. 

“That does not surprise me in the least.” 

Justin made his way into the living room, setting down the laptop and pushing Jayden to sit down on the couch. “So. What did Conner say that made you decide the solution was gay porn?” 

Jayden cringed. “That’s not - “ He stopped, pressing his hands over his face and trying not to think about how hot his cheeks felt. “That wasn’t what he said.” 

“Surprisingly, I did not actually think Conner told you to Google gay porn,” Justin returned dryly. “But he said something that made you think that was the answer to it, and it seems like whatever he said was pretty important.” 

Jayden closed his eyes, thinking. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Justin - that couldn’t be further from the truth. But it felt weird. 

Justin was Antonio’s favorite sibling. Not because he didn’t love the others just as much, but because they understood each other. Justin was the person Antonio went to when he had an idea he wanted to tinker with, or when he’d learned something new that he wanted to gush about with someone. They went to science fairs and fan expos together. Justin encouraged Antonio’s curiosity, and fed it in a way no one else really could. 

How was he supposed to tell him that he wondered what it would feel like if Antonio kissed him? 

“Why do you want to know?” he muttered into his hands. 

There was a pause. 

“Because I don’t want you going through what I did,” Justin said finally. 

He looked up. 

Justin gave him a faint, humorless smile. “I had eight versions of The Talk at thirteen, because my teammates all thought they needed to fill in for my dad who was never around. Eight very different versions of the talk, at very different points during my Ranger career.” He sighed. “They meant well, but none of them really knew what they were doing. They knew the basics, so they tried to fumble their way through what they thought I needed to hear. All they ended up doing was leaving me confused. 

“I was really angry about it for a while. For other things too, but that bothered me because I felt like something was wrong with me. I didn’t fit into all the things they told me. I felt like I was … wrong, or broken somehow, because I wasn’t what I was supposed to be.” 

Jayden forced himself to breathe and swallowed painfully. “ … What did you do?” 

“Stayed an angry teenager for a couple years. Experimented a little, with different things, different people. Tried to figure out what was going on in my head.” Justin moved to sit next to him, giving another slight smile. “Eventually I started meeting the right people and actually researching, which is what I should have done all along. I just didn’t know how back then.” 

“Did it help?” 

He shrugged. “Mostly. I still had a lot of issues wrapped up in my head to work through that weren’t tied in to my sexuality.” 

Jayden opened his mouth and stopped himself, trying not to wince. “I, um - “ 

“Pansexual,” Justin told him. This time the smile he gave looked a little more genuine. “I prefer women, but I find some guys attractive and gender identity doesn’t matter to me.” 

“I didn’t mean to - “ 

“You didn’t ask, I offered. It’s okay. I wouldn’t have brought this up at all if I wasn’t okay with sharing.” He reached out to ruffle Jayden’s hair. “Sharing your sexuality is a personal choice. You can if you want to, but you don’t have to. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.” 

Jayden closed his eyes. “Are Antonio and I weird?” he asked abruptly. 

There was a pause. “What?” 

“Conner said it’s weird that we’re so close. He thinks we’re … married close. He said I should think about if I could ever be interested in Antonio sexually.” 

The sudden silence was deafening. 

“Okay,” Justin said slowly. “First of all, and I say this because you need to hear it, Conner is a moron. Don’t ever, ever listen to Conner about anything to do with romance.” 

Jayden frowned at that. “But - “ 

“No,” Justin said firmly. “Trust me on this. I know he was trying to help, but Conner is the last person who should be talking to you about relationships.” He shook his head at the puzzled look Jayden gave him. “Don’t worry about it. Second, there is *nothing* wrong or weird about your relationship with Antonio.” 

“No,” he interrupted again when Jayden opened his mouth. “I’m serious, Jayden. There is absolutely nothing weird about you and Antonio. You two have the kind of relationship other people wish they had with their best friends. Not everyone can understand that, and sometimes that makes them think they see something they shouldn’t be. That’s all.” 

The numb feeling was back. Jayden blinked once, unsure if it was a good thing or not. 

A hand came up to squeeze his shoulder. “Jay?” 

He swallowed painfully. “It’s nothing.” 

There was a long moment as Justin looked at him, before finally nodding slowly. “Okay.” 

He pulled away, reaching for the laptop. “Now for the part where this gets really uncomfortable.” 

****

Trent didn’t so much as flinch when Jayden flung himself on the couch, rolled over, and buried his face in his lap. He shifted a bit to make himself more comfortable, pulled Jayden a little more firmly against his side, and tangled his fingers in Jayden’s hair. “Bad day?” he asked quietly. 

Jayden contemplated that for a moment, settling for a half shrug with the shoulder he wasn’t laying on. 

Trent made an understanding noise. 

He lost track of how long he laid there, curled against his older brother in the silence. He could feel Trent move to pick up the tablet he’d been holding before Jayden came in, but the hand stayed on his head. Kira came in briefly, and they spoke in soft voices as she ran a gentle hand along Jayden’s side before leaving them alone again. 

“Justin talked to me last week,” Jayden mumbled eventually. 

If nothing else, Justin had been right about the uncomfortable part. It had taken him days to be able to look anyone in the face. Coming here had been a struggle; Octo had physically pushed him out the door while snapping at him to go to his _onii-san_ if he felt so upset. 

It wasn’t that he was upset, exactly - not that he wanted to explain to his guardian what was bothering him. But there was something calming about Trent, something that made him feel safe. Even at his worst, he’d known that Trent would protect him, even when Trent hadn’t believed it himself. 

He could always trust Trent. 

“He talked about … about a lot of things. He was trying to explain being gay or straight. And other things. How people can be attracted to different things.” He could feel his face heat just talking about it, even with his head still in Trent’s lap. 

“ … Did it upset you?” Trent asked when the silence went on a little too long, running his hand over Jayden’s hair. He knew better than most the traditional upbringing Jayden had before he’d met Mom. 

His heart hurt. 

“I don’t … He said no one can tell me what my sexuality is but me. But I don’t … I don’t know what I am.” 

“And that bothers you?” 

He closed his eyes, swallowing painfully. “Conner asked me if I’ve ever thought about Antonio sexually.” 

There was a long pause. 

“Did he.” Trent’s voice was carefully calm. 

“Don’t be mad. He was trying to help,” he murmured. “I just … “ He swallowed again. “Ever since he asked, I can’t … I can’t stop thinking about it.” 

_Antonio’s face directly in front of his -_

“Can’t stop thinking about what?” 

His heart clenched again. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I just … I can’t stop.” 

He didn’t know what he expected Trent to say. If he expected anything at all, really. 

“Would it bother you?” Trent rubbed his shoulder soothingly. “If you were gay?” 

He opened his eyes at that, rolling over to blink up at the ceiling. Toshizo _-sensei_ hadn’t spoken much about relationships to him, if at all. If anything, it had never been something Jayden had been expected to consider. His duty was to defeat Master Xandred and seal him back into the Sanzu River; it was Lauren’s duty to lead the family and continue the bloodline. Continuing the purity of the Samurai Bloodlines was the duty of its Rangers, so that the Symbol Power was able to be passed on to the next generation. 

But that life had never applied to him. 

The life he lived had Rocky and Adam, the people that treated him as a second son and loved one another with a deep fondness that he sometimes envied. Cassie and Ko-lin, who were quieter about their affection, but just as devoted. Danny and Max. Shane and Dustin, Hunter and Cam. They were all couples included in a family that never treated their love as anything different from anyone else’s. 

Would being seen as Antonio’s boyfriend be bad? 

_No,_ he decided, flushing faintly. _No, it wouldn’t._

He shook his head wordlessly in answer to Trent’s question. 

Trent nodded slowly, running another hand through Jayden’s hair. “So if the idea of you liking guys isn’t the problem, then what is the problem? Antonio?” 

“Of course not,” he said automatically. “The problem is - “ 

He stopped, blinking again. 

_“Those are the kind of things people do with the person they’re interested in for more than friendship, you know?”_

He swallowed again. 

“I don’t know,” he muttered finally. “I don’t know what the problem is.” 

****

“You’re brooding again,” Antonio noted as they lay together on their backs in their room, staring at the ceiling. 

Jayden narrowed his eyes, pushing just a bit more power into the morpher in his hand, and threw the symbol for _wind_ at the ceiling. “No, I’m not,” he muttered distractedly as the sudden breeze swirled around the room, frowning at the ceiling. "This would be a lot easier if I were using a symbol I might actually _need_ ," he added pointedly. 

"Yes, you are. And you're not throwing fire at the ceiling, Jay. That's an accident waiting to happen." 

Jayden grumbled, but threw another wind symbol. The idea was to strengthen his symbol power by throwing out symbols against the flow of gravity - Antonio's idea. He was always offering up new and unusual ways for Jayden to train, and Octo had been particularly excited about this one. It was harder in practice than he'd anticipated, but he was reluctant to admit Antonio may have been right. 

He usually was. 

"You said you'd tell me if it was important." 

He winced at the soft undercurrent of hurt. "And I will," he insisted, throwing his next symbol a little harder than necessary. "There's just ... nothing to talk about yet." 

And there wasn't, really. 

He'd been thinking about Conner's question for months now and he was no closer to any sort of answer. Justin's explanations had been as confusing as they were helpful. Trent's prodding hadn't told him anything that he didn't already know. Trying to figure things out on his own wasn't helping, but as Justin had pointed out, this wasn't something anyone else could answer for him. Not even Antonio. 

He kept waiting for the moment when everything suddenly made sense. When he looked up and just ... knew. When he didn't have to wonder anymore. 

But it never seemed to come. 

He wanted to give an Antonio an answer when they talked about it. To tell him Conner brought up this strange question, but there was nothing to worry about. To tell him that ... maybe there was something there, or could be there, between them. Or wasn't. He didn't want to leave Antonio in the endless state of wondering that he was in himself. So if he didn't know, there was nothing to say. 

A hand flicked him on the forehead. 

He frowned at Antonio, reaching up to rub at the spot. "What was that for?" 

"Being stubborn," Antonio retorted, before nodding at the ceiling. "So now that you've got the hang of it, try throwing something heavier up. Like rocks or something." 

"Now who's talking about accidents waiting to happen?" Jayden shot back, even as he wrote the symbol for _leaf_. 

They both yelped as a flood of leaves rained down on them in response. 

" … _Imo_ is going to kill us." 

"Yes. Yes, she is." 

****

“What classes are you planning to take this year, Jayden?” 

He smiled up at his grandmother, bowing in thanks as she set a cup of tea in front of him. “Algebra III, AP English, Geography, and Chemistry for sure. We’re still trying to decide on our electives,” he admitted. “Antonio loves the idea of taking choir or drama, but I wanted to take something more practical this year.” 

Grandma Kwan frowned slightly. “Why wouldn’t you?” 

“Well, we’re already taking German,” he explained, because there’d been no point in taking French or Spanish class when they were already fluent in both. “And we only have two electives, so we have to agree on what the last one is going to be.” 

She hummed, taking a slow sip of her tea that was a little too deliberate to be casual. “Or you could take separate classes,” she pointed out. 

He blinked at her. “Why would we do that?” 

She looked at him for a long moment. At last she sighed, setting down her cup of tea with a solemn expression. “Jayden … don’t you think it’s time you and Antonio started spending a little more time apart?” 

He stared back blankly. “Not really,” he said slowly. “ .. Why?” 

“I’m glad that you have such a strong friendship with Antonio. It’s good that you have such a wonderful friend. But … I worry for you, _Sohnja_ ,” she said softly, placing a gentle hand on his wrist. ”You’re not children anymore. One day, you'll have to stand on your own. And when that day comes, I worry that you won't know how." 

_Won’t know how?_ he repeated blankly to himself. _Why wouldn’t I -?_

He shook his head. " _Halmeoni_ , that's - " 

_“Jayden can speak for himself please, Mr. Garcia,” Mr. Randolf sighed, giving Antonio a stern look._

_“Does Jayden talk?” Marco teased, smirking at them both._

_Antonio flashed a casual grin, and he tried not to feel relieved. “Sorry, Sarah. I appreciate the invite, but we’ve got plans this weekend. Another time,_ verdad _?_ ” 

" _Daijoubu, Ototo,”_ a voice murmured in his mind. _“Watashi wa anzen ni anata o shite okou. Zettai daijoubu.”_

He froze. 

_Lauren_. 

What was he _doing_? How could he even think about any kind of relationship with Antonio? Being close friends as they were was trouble as it was, but dating? Marriage, like they'd promised each other as kids? What had he been _thinking_? 

When he left, he'd be leaving Antonio behind. He knew that Antonio still wanted to fight with him someday, but it just wasn’t possible. Bringing a civilian that close to the Nighlok was too dangerous. Antonio could be hurt, or worse. 

She was right, he realized. As much as he needed Antonio now … one day, he wouldn’t be able to bring Antonio with him. And even if he wanted to, it wasn’t likely the Shiba Family would welcome a stranger. 

And even if Antonio did come with him - 

“Jayden!” 

He blinked, refocusing his attention. She was watching him worriedly, and he forced himself to smile. “ _Joesonghamnida._ You’re right, _Halmeoni_. We are getting older. I guess some time apart won’t hurt.” 

She watched him for a long moment, finally reaching out to pat his hand. "Maybe taking separate classes would be a good start," she suggested gently. 

_“I’ve got you. I’ve always got you.”_

“You’ll see, _Sohnja._ This will be good for you both,” she promised. 

He nodded, continuing to smile back at her even as his stomach rolled at the thought. 

****

It took him days to work up the courage to say it. 

Realistically speaking, it was the right thing to do. Grandma Kwan was right: someday, he wouldn’t be able to lean on Antonio the same way he did now. If he didn’t start trying to find some distance between them now, he’d never be able to do it later. 

He couldn’t take Antonio to Panorama Island with him, he reminded himself over and over again. It was dangerous. There was no way to know if the Shiba family would even give them both a place to stay. Jayden they would be obligated to house, because they needed the information he had, but Antonio would be nothing to them. Less than nothing, because he wasn’t a Samurai Ranger. 

Antonio *was* a Samurai; Jayden had no doubt of that. Few people held _Bushido_ so close to their heart or practiced their swordwork with the same amount of dedication he did. Even Octo accepted him as a Samurai, and Octo didn’t even bother being polite to people who hadn’t earned his respect. 

But following the path of the Samurai didn’t make Antonio a Samurai Ranger. Only a Samurai Ranger could face down the Nighlok and survive. It simply wasn’t possible. 

He couldn’t allow himself to put Antonio in harm’s way. 

“I think we should take separate electives this year,” he said abruptly, watching Antonio fuss over the arrangements of their _bokken_ on the weapons rack in the dojo. 

“Say what?” Antonio called back over his shoulder, still focused on the rack. He looked up as Octo beeped rudely and made a face. “No one asked you.” 

Jayden closed his eyes. _This is the right thing to do,_ he reminded himself. 

“I think we should take separate electives,” he repeated louder. 

There was a clattering noise. 

Antonio was in front of him before he was aware he’d moved, staring at him with a hint of betrayal. “You want to *what*? Why?!” 

He forced a shrug, trying to sound casual as he avoided Antonio’s eyes. “You wanted to take drama, right? You should.” He made himself smile, hoping it didn’t look as fake as it felt. “What would I do in there, anyway? I’m no actor, and I’d be a lousy stage hand. Besides, now you’ll have something to do while I’m training.” 

“We always train together.” 

He shook his head, swallowing painfully at the flat tone. “Not that training. Now that I can draw the symbol from memory on my own, I need to start focusing on powering it. That’s not something you can help me with. You’d just be bored.” 

He could see the protest Antonio was about to make, and prepared himself for it. This was right. It was going to be a good thing. He could learn to work alone again, and Antonio would have more people to spend time with, to get out and do things with. It was for the best. He just had to convince Antonio of that. 

And then Antonio stopped. 

There was a look on his face that Jayden had never seen before. It was … sad, somehow. Almost resigned. 

“Okay,” he said simply. “If that’s what you want, I’ll take drama and you can take first aid.” 

Jayden nodded again, feeling strangely hollow. “And we’ll see each other again in the class after.” 

“Sure.” 

He pretended not to notice the lack of enthusiasm when Antonio said it, or the way his smile didn’t reach his eyes. 

_It’s only an hour,_ he told himself. _I can handle an hour._

****

He could not, he learned the first day of the semester, handle an hour. 

****

“I’m worried about you, Jayden.” 

He tried not to sigh. “There’s nothing to be worried about. I’m just trying new things. You said it would be good for me.” 

Ashley frowned at him. “I also told you that leaning on Antonio when you need help is good for you, and you shouldn’t let anyone convince you otherwise.” 

It wasn’t that he hated his therapy sessions. He liked them, actually: Aunt Ashley had a very calming personality, and she was a good listener. Talking to her helped more than he liked to admit. And on the days he wasn’t in the mood to discuss whatever was on his mind, they found other things to talk about. 

Usually. 

“Did someone say something to you?” he asked shortly. 

“Do you think they should have?” 

He glared at her, and she sighed. “I may have heard from a person or two who have been concerned about the way you’ve been acting lately,” she admitted reluctantly. “That you’ve been avoiding Antonio and isolating yourself again.” 

“I’m not avoiding anyone,” he said irritably. “I see Antonio every day.” At school, where they shared most of their classes. “We have dinner together,” Because they always had, no matter which part of the family they went to for it, ”We sleep in the same room.” Because no matter how hard he tried, he still couldn’t sleep without the sound of Antonio’s breathing. “There’s nothing to talk about because nothing is wrong.” 

She stared at him through the monitor for a long moment. At last she gave a single nod, and a soft smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Okay, Jayden. If you say there’s nothing for us to talk about, then there’s nothing to talk about. We’ll catch up next week, then.” 

He forced himself to nod. “Next week. Have a good - “ He stopped, conflicted. “I love you,” he said instead. 

She smiled again, but this time it was warm and full of affection. “I love you too, Jayden. I’ll talk to you next week.” 

The monitor went dark, and he stopped himself from reaching out to touch the screen, bowing his head instead. He closed his eyes, trying to ignore the hollow feeling in his chest. 

_There’s nothing wrong,_ he told himself. _This is just the way things have to be._

***

Training was harder alone. 

Another argument for why this was better, he reminded himself. He’d spent the first nine years of his life training on his own. He couldn’t afford to depend on someone else anymore. He never should have allowed himself to fall into the habit in the first place. 

_Stupid,_ Octo told him, over and over again. _To refuse help when you are in need is pointless._

He swung his _bokken_ wide, reaching for his morpher. “Go Go Samurai!” 

He was never meant to be a team player. Even his morpher was the only one of its kind now. There was nothing but emptiness when he tried to reach out for a team that wasn’t there anymore. 

“ _Watashi wa tasuke o hitsuyō to shimasen,_ ” he murmured aloud for the sake of hearing a voice in the silence. While he knew Octo would understand him no matter what language he used, it felt disrespectful to speak to him in anything but the only words the Folding Zord had ever been taught. 

_If such a thing were true, I would not be with you._ Octo pointed out huffily, bobbing up and down to show his agitation. _It would do you well to accept assistance from_ Hikari-kun. _He is good for you. For us._

He shook his head, trying not to sigh as he switched to a more aggressive kata. “ _Sore ga kotonarimasu. Anata wa watashi o hogo shimasu. Watashi wa kore no ichibudearu koto o kare ni motomeru koto wa dekimasen._ ” 

_You do not ask. He offers._

“ _Sore wa warui kotodesu. Tatakau tame ni futan wa watashi no monodesu._ ” 

Octo made a rude noise at him. _You are stubborn in the ways of your ancestors._

The corner of his mouth lifted as he moved. “ _Arigatou gonzaimasu._ ” 

Octo spun in a circle, flailing his tentacles and beeping obnoxiously. _Do not accept compliments where none are given!_

He worked through several more _kata_ , feeling the weight of the sword in his hands, the way the helmet settled against his face. There was a warmth to morphing that burned through his veins, driving him further and faster than before. It pushed him to fall into the routine of it, to remember what it felt like to focus only on the targets in front of him. 

All he had was himself, his sword, and his duty. 

_Reaching out in the middle of the night to a cold bed, eyes snapping open. A hand catching his a moment later, and soft laughter. “What, did you think I went somewhere?”_

_Hands on his, tugging him gently but insistently. “Come on, up on your feet._ Vamonos! _Try again!”_

_Arms around him, holding on so tight he could barely breathe, and a voice in his ear whispering, over and over. “I’ve got you. I’ve always got you.”_

His heart felt like it was being squeezed. 

_"Jayden, have you ever thought about Antonio sexually?"_

He couldn’t afford to have anything more. 

****

_Two hours._

Jayden looked at himself in the bathroom mirror. His face was sickly pale, water dripping from his bangs from where he’d washed the sweat from his skin. He grinned tiredly. 

It had taken more than a month, but he could now stand to be apart from Antonio for an entire two hours before panic began to set in. It wasn’t much yet, but it was more time on his own than he’d ever been able to handle before. It was progress, and that was something. 

Those two hours were still a trial, but he’d slowly forced himself to start speaking up in class on his own. He could talk to people, even more than one at a time, without instinctively looking for Antonio when he missed a reference or the conversation started to lull. He’d even managed to keep his mental shields up to prevent himself from ‘pathing for help. 

It was hard work, and more often than not he’d been forced to seek out Antonio or hide in the bathroom until the shaking stopped. He’d only been sent home twice: once because he couldn’t calm down no matter what he’d tried, and another because one of the teachers had caught him throwing up in an abandoned hallway and assumed he had the flu. Most of the time he was able to find Antonio in time or calm himself on his own. 

It wasn’t much, but it was more than he’d thought he could manage at this point. 

He shook his head, letting out a slow breath as he shuddered again. He’d give himself a few more minutes for his hands to stop shaking, and then he’d head to class. Just a few more minutes on his own. He could do that. 

He didn’t think much of the sound of the bathroom door opening. Not until a voice behind and to his left drawled “So he was right.” 

He jerked away from the sink, blinking at the intruder. “Antonio?” 

"You look terrible." 

He made a face as he reached for the paper towels. "Gee, thanks." 

"So are we back to the punishing yourself stage again?" Antonio asked, leaning against the dispenser and folding his arms. 

Jayden's heart skipped a beat. "Huh?" 

Antonio nodded toward him, eyes flickering over him briefly in a way that left Jayden fighting the urge to fidget in place. "You're isolating yourself. Two hours to every three. That's the new limit, I take it?" 

Jayden swallowed uncomfortably. "That's not - " 

"You said you'd tell me if something was bothering you." 

It was the trace of hurt in Antonio's voice that made him falter. "Antonio, I didn't mean to - you haven't done anything wrong," he tried. 

Antonio tilted his head at that, narrowing his eyes contemplatively. "Then what did you do?" 

_I was born._

"We should get to class," he murmured instead, ducking his head to avoid Antonio's eyes as he headed out the door. 

****

_“Jayden, I need you to listen to me, okay?”_

_“Something happened to Antonio - “_

_“ - an accident - “_

_“Infirmary - “_

He sprinted through the halls, dodging staff and skidding around the corners. 

_Don't die don't die don't die don't die don't -_

He threw open the infirmary doors, stumbling over his own feet. "Antonio! Is he - " 

"He'll be fine." 

"Where - " 

"He's in a room down the hall." Hands reached up, catching him by the shoulders and dragging him down until he was face-to-face with _Tia._ "Jayden. Listen to me," she ordered, holding him in place. "Antonio will be fine. Now I need you to breathe, _Kipenzi_. Can you do that for me? Match your breathing to mine." 

He matched her the best he could, but it was hard to pay attention to anything past the pounding in his ears. "You - you're sure?" he tried again. "He's really - " 

" _Jayden_." 

He flinched, closing his eyes. " _Gomen_ \- Sorry, _Tia_. I just - " 

"I know, baby," she soothed, reaching up to stroke his cheek. "But Antonio's already been taken care of. You're the one I'm worried about right now." 

He tried to breathe, forcing himself to focus on the feeling of her hand against his face. He was shaking, but he couldn't seem to stop. Everything seemed to be too much, too fast, too harsh, and - 

"Breathe with me, baby," _Tia_ murmured, stroking his cheek again. "Think about you and me right now. We're fine. Everything is going to be okay, I promise." 

He choked on a breath that was nearly a sob. 

"I know you want to see Antonio. And we will, in just a minute. I just want to make sure you're not going to shut down on me." 

"M'not," he mumbled, ignoring the chant of _myfaultmyfaultmyfaultshouldn'thaveleftmyfaultmyfault_ running through his head. 

"I'll take him. Ashley should be getting up for her rotation any time now. You might be able to catch her sooner." 

He looked up as a hand settled on his arm, blinking at the woman leaning in to study his face. " ... Aunt Dana? When did you - I didn't see you." 

She smiled at him, but there was an undercurrent of worry to it as she shook her head. "It's fine, Jayden. Why don't I take you to Antonio?" 

"Please," he agreed quickly, grabbing onto her arm desperately. "I have to - I need to see him," he pleaded. 

_"The Nighlok are everywhere. You must be on your guard at all times."_

_"Hey, Jayden, there's something I need to - "_

_"Your enemies could strike at any time. You must be ready."_

_"Are you avoiding me?"_

_"Keep your eyes on the shadows, Jayden."_

_"I told you, there's something I need to tell you."_

_"Lord Jayden -"_

"*Jayden*." 

He flinched. "Sorry, I - what?" 

Dana frowned. "I said this is Antonio's room. He’s sleeping for now, but you can stay with him as long as you make sure he rests." 

He nodded quickly. "Of course. Of course I - I will." 

She squeezed his shoulder. "He's going to be fine, Jayden. I promise." 

He forced another nod, trying to smile. "I know. I know. I just - can I see him now?" 

Dana didn't look happy, but she nodded as she reached for the door. "Of course." 

One of the first things Jayden had noticed about Antonio Garcia was that he never stood still. He was always talking, moving, shifting in place. Even in his sleep he tossed and turned. He was never, ever, perfectly still. 

Except now. 

Jayden swallowed the lump in his throat. 

He made his way to the bed slowly, just barely registering the sound of the door closing softly behind him. There was a chair; he pulled it closer and sank down slowly, blinking back tears. Antonio looked so still and pale. 

_This is all my fault._

He reached out, carefully taking Antonio's hand in both of his. There was no responding squeeze, and he closed his eyes, shuddering slightly. 

"I'm sorry," he whispered to the air. "I'm so, so sorry." 

_It's already too late._

****

He lost track of time as he waited at Antonio’s bedside. 

People came and went. He heard voices, felt a hand on his head or shoulder once or twice, but he didn’t respond. All he could think about was Antonio’s hand in his, the cold of the sheets as he leaned over to press his forehead against the bed. 

_Maybe this is what love is supposed to be,_ he thought dully, heart aching. _Always hurting each other._

_Maybe this is something I was never meant to have._

After what seemed like forever, the hand he was holding twitched in his. 

" ... What are the chances that I'll open my eyes and you won't have your ‘The World Is Broken And It’s All My Fault’ face on?" 

Jayden jerked up, heart in his throat. 

Antonio opened his eyes slowly, blinked once, and sighed. "Yeah, that's what I thought." He shifted, patting the bed beside him. "Come 'ere." 

Jayden hesitated. "You're supposed to be resting." 

Antonio gave him a pointed stare. "And I will, as soon as you lay down with me." 

He shook his head. "I should - " 

"Jayden. _Jebal_." 

For all that Antonio was injured, he seemed to have no pain as he moved to make more room on the bed once Jayden sat on the edge. He huffed, catching Jayden by the wrist and pulling him down beside him, rolling over to face each other. Nose to nose, he took a moment to study Jayden's face and sighed again. "So. We need to talk." 

"Aunt Dana said you need rest," Jayden reminded him. 

Antonio rolled his eyes. "I'm resting - I'm in bed, aren't I?" He reached up to put a hand on Jayden's cheek. "It's time to stop avoiding me, don’t you think?" 

The words were gentle, too soft to be anything but understanding. 

Jayden closed his eyes at the tone, leaning forward to rest his head against Antonio's shoulder. He let out a long sigh as a hand came up to tangle in his hair. “I’m sorry,” he mumbled. 

Antonio’s fingers played with the hair at the back of his neck for a moment. “I’m sorry, too.” 

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, Antonio.” He swallowed the lump in his throat. _This is me. All of this … is because of me._

“That’s … not entirely true,” Antonio said slowly. “No one told you why I’m in here, did they?” 

Jayden pulled back enough to see Antonio’s face, blinking. “No - I mean, I don’t know. I wasn’t exactly … “ He made a face. “I wasn’t really paying attention.” 

Antonio winced. “Yeah, that’s … “ He sighed, reaching out to catch Jayden’s hand in both of his. For once, he didn’t look up when Jayden flushed at the gesture, keeping his eyes on their hands. “You can’t be mad at him,” he said eventually. “I know you probably want to be, but he’s just trying to help. And I kind of … pushed him into helping me. So it’s not his fault, okay?” 

Jayden frowned. “Antonio, what are you talking about?” 

Antonio took a deep breath, reached behind his back, and pulled out a morpher. 

Jayden froze. 

_It would do you well to accept assistance from _Hikari-kun_. He is good for you. For us._

_You do not ask. He offers._

_To refuse help when you are in need is pointless._

“ _Octo FoldingZord!_ ” 

He wasn’t aware it was a summon until he realized he was standing, morpher in front of him and the symbol for _squid_ burning a vibrant red in the air. 

Octo appeared in a burst of light. He beeped in confusion, turning in circles for a moment before turning to face Jayden. There was a moment where he tilted his head in question, then he abruptly went still, hovering silently. 

“ _Anata jishin no tame ni itte iru nodesu ka?_ ” Jayden demanded. “ _Anata wa nani o shita ka rikai shite imasu ka?_ ” 

Octo bobbed in place, giving a short beep that was entirely unrepentant. _I have done what was necessary._

“ _Hitsuyō?! Antonio ga shibō shite iru kanōsei ga!”_

A rude noise. _Your lack of faith disappoints._ Kin-dono _possesses a strong spirit. He will make a fine Samurai Ranger._

Jayden’s vision went red. “ _Dono yō ni anata o aete - ?!_ ” 

”*Hey!* _Time. Out!_ ” 

A burst of golden sparkles shot between them, and they both flinched backwards instinctively. 

Jayden turned to the bed, staring in stunned disbelieve at the fading golden light around the device in Antonio’s hands. He knew what it was the moment Antonio pulled it from thin air, but he hadn’t - he hadn’t expected it to be _working_. Antonio may know how to write in characters, but symbol power was more than that. He shouldn’t be able to summon anything, let alone … whatever he’d just done. It didn’t make any sense. 

“You two, separate corners,” Antonio told them slowly, deliberately. He pointed with one hand when neither moved. “ _Vamanos._ I mean it!” 

“Antonio - “ 

“ _Ahora!_ ” 

Octo drifted to the corner behind the door with a grumpy squawk. 

Jayden returned to the chair next to Antonio’s bed and dropped into it with a scowl. 

Someone knocked on the door. “Is it safe to come in now?” _Tia_ called, sounding annoyed. 

Antonio shot each of them a stern look. “ _Sí, Mamá!_ ” 

Jayden closed his eyes, silently drawing his mental shields and trying to center his breathing. He could feel his control slipping in the way his hands were still shaking, the feeling of the metal of his morpher digging into his palm. The heat of his temper burned just beneath the surface of his skin, a tangible thing, and all it would take was a single word to set it free - 

_I am stronger than this,_ he told himself, trying to clear his thoughts. _I am in control._

An image of Antonio, pale-skinned and still in the hospital bed flickered though his mind. 

He forced another breath. _I am stronger than this. I am in control._

_I am in control._

He bit the inside of his cheek as Antonio argued with _Tia_ that he was fine and tasted blood. 

_I am in control._

****

Ashley took one look at him and stood up, moving to give him a hug. 

_That’s probably a bad sign,_ he thought with a sigh, even as he leaned down to accept it gratefully. He buried his face against her shoulder, taking a deep breath and letting the scent of her perfume wash over him. She smelled like the wildflowers in the fields of KO-35; a scent that could never quite be matched on Earth. He felt some of the tension slip slowly from his shoulders. 

“Seems like you needed that,” she commented softly, running her fingers through his hair. 

He made a non-committal noise. 

“Why don’t we sit on the couch today?” 

There was something comforting about the couch in Aunt Ashley’s office at S.P.D. It was a huge, overstuffed, dark-gray monstrosity that legend had it had been gifted to her as a joke, because all therapists needed a good couch for their clients. Ashley had never seemed to mind; she claimed she kept it because it made a good nap couch whenever someone needed a quiet place to get some sleep for an hour or two. Jayden liked it because it was big enough for him to stretch out on, but cozy enough to curl up with someone when he needed it. 

Like now. 

“You’ve had a rough week, I hear.” 

He closed his eyes, swallowing a lump in his throat. Antonio was still recovering in the infirmary. Tia had promised he’d be released in another day or two, despite Antonio’s insistence that he was fine. Octo wasn’t speaking to him; he wasn’t sure if he was glad about that or not. 

The hand in his hair continued in a gentle, soothing rhythm. “Are you having trouble with words today?” 

He huffed a laugh, clenching his eyes tighter against the sudden burn of what might become tears. 

The hand paused for a split second before continuing. “More than just today?” she pressed gently. 

He forced a nod. 

“For a while, then.” 

He shrugged a shoulder. 

She made a thoughtful noise. “Are hands okay today?” 

It took him awhile to determine the right answer. Their sessions changed dependent on his moods: most days, speaking across a monitor was enough. Sometimes it had to be in person, where he could find that visual connection to her. 

And then there were days like today, when the sound of her voice and the sight of her across the room wasn’t enough anymore. When he was drowning in his head, in the past, in the voices of his training. When he needed someone to hold on to him, to remind him that it was the past. That things were different now. 

Sometimes on days like today, he struggled with the gap between past and present. When his formal training was stronger in his mind than usual, and he found himself unable to touch her hands even when he was half curled up in her lap. When the words slipped out in Japanese more often than English. When it was hard to form the words at all. 

“ _Shiranai_ ,” he whispered, and flinched. “ _Gomen -_ I - I - “ 

“Shhh,” she soothed, “ _Daijoubu_ , Jayden. You don’t have to do that. We’ve talked about this before, remember? You can use whatever language you need to right now. I’ll hear you, I promise.” 

Her accent wasn’t perfect, but the fact that she still tried soothed some of the tightness in his chest. “ _Gomen nasai,_ ” he whispered again. 

“For what?” 

_For being a burden,_ he wanted to say, but he knew it would upset her to hear. _For being broken. For all the damage I cause._

He rolled onto his back, blinking up past her gentle, concerned expression to stare at the ceiling. “ _Kore wa machigatte imasu. Subete no mono,_ ” he said slowly, so quietly he wasn’t sure she’d be able to hear him. _“Watashi wa mō setsumei suru kotoba o mitsukeru koto ga dekimasen. Subete wa shinborudesu. Sore wa watashi ga omoidasu koto ga dekiru subetedesu. Shinboru wa, watashi wa mō iitai koto wa hatsugen shimasen._ ” 

“Do you know what’s wrong?” 

He nodded. He reached up with a hand, drawing the symbols for myself with a fingertip. “ _Watakushijishin,_ ” he said softly. “ _Mondai wa watashidesu.”_

She let out a breathy sigh, but when she spoke she sounded pained. “Why would you say something like that?” 

_Antonio was hurt because of me. Because Octo tried to teach him to use symbol power. Because I brought Octo here, and I introduced them. Because I forgot who and what I am, and I thought for a moment, that maybe I could be -_

_"Jayden, have you ever thought about Antonio sexually?"_

“ _Watashi wa yori ōku o motsu koto ga kanōda to omoimashita,_ ” he said at last. “ _Watashi wa machigatte ita._ ” 

Her arms tightened around him, and lips pressed carefully against his forehead. “You weren’t wrong, Jayden,” she whispered, and he could just make out the tears in her eyes above him. “You weren’t. I promise.” 

He closed his eyes, inhaling the scent of her perfume again, letting the warmth of her arms wash over him. 

_“You are_ Shiba no Buki _. You will defeat Master Xandred, and seal the Nighlok into the Sanzu River. That is your one and only purpose in this life.”_

****

His _bokken_ felt heavier than usual today. 

Octo hadn’t left Antonio’s side since he’d been summoned to the infirmary. It was simultaneously infuriating and reassuring to watch the way he hovered protectively over him, lecturing him to rest and eat to keep up his strength. They argued the same way they always had, in gestures and various beeping that made up a language only the two of them seemed to share. 

The only difference was the morpher Antonio had refused to let out of his sight. 

Billy, Justin, Cam, and Hailey had all taken time to inspect it, trying to work through what had caused the explosion that had landed Antonio in the infirmary to begin with. The consensus as Jayden understood it was that Antonio had built a strong morpher. The problem was that symbol he’d been trying to use had been stronger than the casing, which resulted in the overflow of energy that had rendered him unconscious. 

Jayden had a strong suspicion he knew what the symbol Antonio had tried to use was. 

Hikari-kun. _Was Octo planning this all along?_

He tried to force the thought from his mind, focusing on his kata. 

Antonio could have died. Why couldn’t Octo see that? No one but the Samurai families had the ability to use symbol power. It had been passed down for generations for exactly that reason. Because there was no one else. 

How could he tell Antonio to try, knowing what he was risking? 

A rustle of fabric reached his ears, and he spun, striking out to meet Antonio’s matching raised _bokken_. 

“You look focused,” he remarked. “Something on your mind?” 

Jayden stared at him blankly for a moment. The sudden harsh laugh that burst out of him startled them both. “You could say that.” 

Antonio frowned. “Jayden - “ 

“Why?” he demanded abruptly. “How could you do that Antonio? Why would you let him talk you into it? You could have been hurt!” 

Antonio paused, giving him a measured look. “You sure you want to do this now?” 

Jayden laughed again, just as bitter as before. He gestured widely to the empty dojo with one hand. “Can you think of a better time?” 

Antonio sighed. “Okay,” he said simply. “But the swords get put up. I’m not talking about this when you’ve got a weapon in your hand. You’re already dangerous enough on your own.” 

Jayden gave him a withering look. 

Antonio only raised his eyebrows pointedly, holding out an expectant hand. 

He sighed irritably. “Fine,” he snapped, dropping the _bokken_ into Antonio’s hand. He waited for Antonio to return both weapons to the rack, folding his arms impatiently. “Well?” 

He had a split second to take in Antonio’s considering look and narrowing eyes before he was attacked. 

Antonio came at him fast and hard, snapping out punches and kicks that only years of sparring made it easy to dodge. The usual playful bounce in his stance was missing, and there was a hard look in his eyes that was out of place on his face. It was unsettling to watch, even as they fell into an easy pattern of attack and defense. 

_Are you … really that mad at me?_ he wondered silently. 

The sparring match ended abruptly with Jayden on his back, Antonio sitting on his chest with an arm pressed against his throat. “Give?” 

He took a moment to take stock of his position and sighed. “Give,” he agreed reluctantly, giving a short nod. 

Antonio sat back on his heels, letting out a frustrated noise. “When am I ever really mad at you, Jay?” 

Jayden let his head fall back, letting out a sigh of his own. His shields must have slipped while they sparred. “Reefside.” 

“That’s because you were being stupid. Doesn’t count.” 

“When I broke my wrist in training.” 

“Because you wouldn’t listen to me.” 

Jayden closed his eyes. “When I said we should take separate electives, and wouldn’t tell you why.” 

There was a long pause. 

“When I started avoiding you,” he continued quietly. “When I said nothing was wrong.” 

Antonio let out a gusty sigh, rolling over to flop on the floor beside him. “I was worried, not mad.” An ankle nudged his own pointedly. “Kind of like you are at me right now.” 

He wasn’t wrong, Jayden mused. 

_If Antonio kissed me I would …_

He opened his eyes to stare at the ceiling, blinking hard. “Antonio … you can’t come with me.” 

Antonio snorted. “Sure, I can. Watch me.” 

“It’s not that simple. The Shiba Clans don’t accept outsiders. Even … even if you have a morpher, even with your training as a Samurai, even with Octo’s approval … “ He swallowed painfully. “They won’t allow you to fight with them.” 

“Why not? It’s not like they can’t use the help.” 

“It’s - “ He sighed. “ _Meiyo, Chūgi -_ “ 

“I know the _Bushido_ Code, Jayden,” Antonio interrupted, sounding annoyed. “You don’t have to quote it at me.” 

“It’s not just the code,” he tried to explain. “It’s … The Five Families have been fighting the Nighlok for centuries. They’ve given their lives for this fight. Each family’s bloodline is bound to their individual Power Symbol. This is about more than tradition, it’s … it’s what they do. It’s everything for them.” 

It was the duty of the Samurai Rangers to fight the Nighlok. Just as it was his duty to end their battle. Whatever Octo and Antonio had been thinking … it just wasn’t possible. 

“Okay,” Antonio said slowly. “I still think that’s a stupid reason, but I’m not going for the Samurai Rangers anyway. I’m going for you.” 

“ _Son'na ko to iwanaide kudasai,_ ” he whispered, heart aching. 

He felt more than heard Antonio shift, rolling over to face him. Fingers reached out to catch his own, lacing them together. “ _Aishiteru,_ ” Antonio said simply. “ _Watashi wa kore o okonau koto ga dekinai koto o watashi ni oshiete kudasai._ ” 

And suddenly he couldn’t breathe. 

It wasn’t the moment of clarity he’d been waiting for. There wasn’t an easy, sudden answer he could give. He couldn’t tell Antonio that he was flattered, but he wasn’t interested, any more than he could tell him that he was. The world was too close, too bright, too much, all of a sudden, and all he wanted was to shut his eyes until everything was perfect. 

_If Antonio kissed me …_

“I’m going to die.” 

He’d always wondered if it would feel better to say the words aloud. To finally admit what he’d known for as long as he’d understood, the shadow hanging over his head all his life. If sharing that burden would make it lighter somehow. 

Instead, all he could hear was the sound of Antonio’s confusion in the sudden silence. 

He rearranged their hands, catching Antonio’s fingertip in his, and slowly, carefully tracing a design in the floor with it. “The sealing symbol is unique,” he told the ceiling, barely a murmur in the room. “It was designed by the first Red Samurai Ranger to imprison the Nighlok in the Sanzu River. It’s been passed down from Clan Leader to Clan Leader for as long as the Shiba Family has existed, so that when the seal breaks,” And it will, because it always does. Toshizo _-sensei_ had made certain he understood it was only a matter of time, “A Shiba is ready to complete the seal once again.” 

The hand in his was beginning to tremble. 

“My father had two children. One, to fight the Nighlok. And a second to finish the seal.” 

He finished tracing the symbol into the floor, wondering if it had burned itself into Antonio’s mind as firmly as it was burned into his. If Antonio could see in his head the different parts of the symbol and how they came together as a whole. If he could see what it would mean to use it. 

“I’m not the one who was chosen to fight,” he whispered at the ceiling. 

“No.” 

Antonio’s hand ripped free from his, followed by the sounds of struggling to find his feet. He stumbled for a moment, hands coming up to cover his face. “ _No_ ,” he repeated, sounding furious and horrified and desperate all at once. “You - _no!_ ” 

Jayden stared up at him, watching in silence as Antonio fell apart. 

****

“Antonio’s running late tonight?” _Imo_ guessed as he helped set the table. 

Jayden shrugged a shoulder. “He might have dinner at Papa and Dad’s,” he told the silverware drawer. “I think there was something he wanted help with for school.” 

He heard her pause at the stove. “You didn’t need to talk to them too?” 

“We have different projects.” 

She let him get away with it long enough to finish putting everything out before cutting him off on his way to the glasses. “Jayden … is there something going on between you and Antonio?” she asked, worrying her lip between her teeth. 

He smiled at her concern, shaking his head. “It’s just a school project, _Imo_. It’s nothing to worry about.” 

She sighed, reaching out to brush the hair from his eyes. “I always worry about you, goof,” she scolded, stretching up on her tiptoes to kiss his forehead as he leaned down for her. She made a face, and he laughed softly. “Stop growing!” 

“Sorry,” he offered, giving her a grin. “Must get it from _Appa_ and Dad.” 

She swatted him with a towel. “You - “ 

They laughed at each other, and his smile felt a little less plastic. 

Dinner was quiet without Antonio’s cheerful noise. He pretended not to see the looks his parents exchanged, and let _Imo_ change the subject whenever it looked like someone was going to ask. _Appa_ caught on quickly, and Jayden smiled at his plate each time he kicked Dad under the table for trying to bring it up again. 

“Everything’s fine,” he assured them. “It’s just been a stressful week.” 

If he said it enough times, maybe he’d even be able to pretend he actually believed it. 

He found Octo in his room, lurking in the corner by the lamp over a book. “I’m going to bed soon,” he murmured. 

Octo beeped wordless irritation in response, but still dropped his usual bookmark onto the page. 

There was a hazy sort of comfort in falling back into the routine of getting ready for bed. He brushed his teeth, changed, and put out clothes for the morning. He checked his homework over and slipped it into his backpack, setting it beside the door for the next day. He closed Octo’s book, turned out he desk lamp he’d been using, and moved to sit on the bed closest to the door, the way he always did. 

Very deliberately, he did not think about the empty second bed by the window, which was open and waiting. Or the house across the yard with an equally open window with a single, large bed inside. The room was silent in a way that it never was, and he told himself it was fine. 

_This is the way it was always supposed to be._

_This is the way it has to be._

****

He was wide awake the moment a hand touched the window. 

The instinct to reach for his morpher, to attack, was there, but he ignored it. Instead he kept still, eyes closed, listening to the muffled footsteps making their way across the floor to the bed he lay in. He didn’t react when the covers lifted and a cold body crawled in next to him except to roll over, pulling the blankets higher around them both as Antonio wrapped his arms around him, shivering. 

“Could have brought a jacket,” he muttered into Antonio’s shoulder. 

“No point. I was coming straight to bed anyway.” 

A memory flickered through his mind, of the first time they’d done this. When Antonio and Papa had been staying three blocks away, but Antonio still showed up at his bedroom window every night. He’d ignored his first instinct then, too. And Antonio had crawled in bed next to him, hugged him fiercely, and promised that he would always be there. 

_“I’ve got you, Jayden. I’ve always got you.”_

The arms around him tightened slightly. “I do, you know,” Antonio whispered in the darkness. “I’ve always got your back, Jay.” 

Jayden swallowed the lump in his throat. _I never doubted that._

“Thought you were mad at me,” he said instead. 

_:: You’d better not start doubting me now, ::_ pressed firmly into his mind. 

He’d been expecting an answer out loud - even now, when they only went to KO-35 for vacations and visits, it was hard to break the habit of ‘pathing even when they were alone - but was met with silence instead. He opened his eyes to find Antonio looking at him contemplatively and blinked. “What?” 

“I hate the way you think you have to punish yourself for things. Have I mentioned that?” Antonio asked abruptly. “I get it, I do, but it’s awful and I hate it.” 

“I’m … sorry?” he offered, not sure what to say. 

“I hate the way you focus on little details, because you think everything has to be perfect. I hate when you let other people convince you that you’re wrong. Or the way you chew your pencil when you’re thinking - that’s terrible for your teeth, you know that?” 

A hand came up to rub along his forearm in a way that felt soothing, and all he could think was that he had no idea what was happening anymore. 

“I hate when you nitpick my kendo forms - “ 

“They’re terrible, and you can do better,” he argued before he could stop himself. 

“And how you interrupt me when you think you’re right. Or the way you fuss over making the corners of the bed every morning so we’re always late. How you hog the bathroom to get ready, and then complain that I’m taking too long - “ 

“Do not.” 

“Do too, and stop interrupting me. I hate the way you line your shoes up at the door, and then roll your eyes at me when I trip over them because they’re in the way. I hate the way you try and shield your mind from me because you don’t want me to know things, but you feel whatever you’re thinking about too strongly so I hear it anyway and have to pretend I didn’t. I hate - “ His breath hitched slightly. “I hate that I love you more than anything, but I’m terrified because you’re so busy punishing yourself to meet your goals that I’m losing you and you can’t even see it.” 

There were tears in Antonio’s eyes as they stared at one another, and Jayden tried to swallow the lump in his throat. “Antonio - I - “ 

_:: I love you, Jayden, ::_ Antonio repeated. _:: Whatever happened, or will happen, or what you’re supposed to do someday, I love you. And I want you to stop pretending not to care about things, or take care of yourself, because watching you hurt yourself is killing me. ::_

_“Telepathy is intimate,”_ Karone had told them once. _“It’s a thought that can only be shared with one other person. You choose that person to share your mind with, and that thought can never be taken back. Once you’ve shared your thoughts with someone, that thought is forever.”_

_How many thoughts do I have left to share with you?_

_:: Conner asked me if I’ve ever thought about you sexually, ::_ he thought at him eventually. It was easier somehow, thinking the words instead of struggling to remember which language his mouth needed. _:: I’ve never thought about it before then. Lauren’s duty is to fight the Nighlok and continue the bloodline. Mine is to use the seal and send the Nighlok back to the Sanzu River. I’ve never had to think about relationships before. Once I did, I couldn’t stop. ::_

“I hate that you always put me first,” he said aloud, barely audible in the darkness of the room. “It makes me feel guilty, when you choose to stay home with me instead of going out when you’re invited somewhere. I hate that you get in trouble because of me all the time. I hate the way you push yourself to keep up with me because - “ His voice faltered, so he settled for pushing memories of times Antonio had been hurt in training at him instead. “I hate the way you pretend you’re not hurt. That you drop everything when you think I need you.” 

He didn’t hate it. Not really. But maybe that was the point. 

“ _Aishiteru,_ ” he breathed. “I don’t know … what that means, or what I’m supposed to feel or do. I just know that … _Watashi wa anata ni naniyori mo daisuki._ ” 

A hand cupped his cheek, and he looked up to find Antonio watching him with a sad smile. “Jayden … All I’ve ever wanted is to be by your side. Whatever that means for you, I’m happy as long as we’re together. I don’t need anything more than that. So please stop trying to push me away because of something that hasn’t happened yet.” 

He blinked hard. “It isn’t fair to you.” 

“And it’s fair to you?” Antonio retorted. He sniffled abruptly, reaching up with his free hand to scrub briefly at his eyes. When he looked up again, his eyes were intently serious. _:: Don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to stand back and let you die. I know what you said, ::_ he added, cutting off what Jayden had been about to say, _:: But just because no one’s found another way to stop the Nighlok doesn’t mean there isn’t one. So I’m going to help you fight them, and I’m going to find a way to do it that doesn’t - that doesn’t sacrifice you. ::_

“But it’s not fair to stop yourself from living, Jay,” he added quietly. “Isn’t that what we’ve been trying to do all this time? Live? If you’re always holding yourself back, how do you know you won’t go into that fight without regrets?” 

Jayden blinked harshly for a moment. “You’re biased.” 

“Yeah. But that doesn’t make me wrong.” 

He caught a brief glimmer of something in Antonio’s eyes before there was a sudden shift of moment, and Jayden found himself on his back, blinking up at him. “ … Antonio?” 

Antonio hesitated for a split second. “Do you really want an answer?” 

_If Antonio tried to kiss me, I would …_

Heart in his throat, he nodded slowly. 

_… I think I’d like to kiss him back. ___

**Author's Note:**

>  _Hola_ \- Hello (Spanish)  
>  _Hyeong_ \- older brother (Korean)  
>  _Imo_ \- Aunt (Korean)  
>  _Appa_ \- Dad (Korean)  
>  _Tia_ \- Auntie (Spanish)  
>  _Shiba no Buki_ \- Shiba’s Weapon (Japanese)  
>  _Me voy, me voy_ \- I’m going, I’m going (Spanish)  
>  _onii-san_ \- older brother (Japanese)  
>  _-sensei_ \- teacher (Japanese)  
>  _sohnja_ \- grandson (Korean)  
>  _halmeoni_ \- grandmother (Korean)  
>  _Verdad_ \- truth (Spanish)  
>  _Daijoubu, Ototo. Watashi wa anzen ni anata o shite okou. Zettai daijoubu._ \- It’s all right, little brother. I’ll keep you safe. Absolutely all right.  
>  _Joesonghamnida_ \- I’m very sorry, excuse me (Very formal) (Korean)  
>  _Watashi wa tasuke o hitsuyō to shimasen._ \- I don’t need help. (Japanese)  
>  _Hikari_ \- light (Japanese)  
>  _-kun_ \- An informal form of address for young boys. Can be considered affectionate. (Japanese)  
>  _Sore ga kotonarimasu. Anata wa watashi o hogo shimasu. Watashi wa kore no ichibudearu koto o kare ni motomeru koto wa dekimasen._ \- That’s different. You protect me. I can’t ask him to be part of this. (Japanese)  
>  _Sore wa warui kotodesu. Tatakau tame ni futan wa watashi no monodesu._ \- That’s worse. The burden to fight is mine. (Japanese)  
>  _Arigatou gonzaimasu_ \- Thank you very much (Japanese)  
>  _Vamanos_ \- Let’s go! (Spanish)  
>  _Kipenzi_ \- favorite, person who enjoys special regard or favor  
>  _Jebal_ \- please (begging) (Korean)  
>  _Anata jishin no tame ni itte iru nodesu ka? Anata wa nani o shita ka rikai shite imasu ka?_ \- What do you have to say for yourself? Do you understand what you have done? (Japanese)  
>  _Hitsuyō?! Antonio ga shibō shite iru kanōsei ga!_ \- Necessary?! Antonio could have died! (Japanese)  
>  _Kin_ \- Gold (Japanese)  
>  _-dono_ \- A very formal, traditional form of address. (e.g. ‘Lord’) (Japanese)  
>  _Dono yō ni anata o aete_ \- How dare you (Japanese)  
>  _Ahora!_ \- Now! (Spanish)  
>  _Shiranai_ \- I don’t know (Japanese)  
>  _Gomen_ \- I’m sorry (Japanese)  
>  _Daijoubu_ \- All right (Japanese)  
>  _Gomen nasai_ \- I’m very sorry (Japanese)  
>  _Kore wa machigatte imasu. Sore no subete._ \- This is wrong. All of it. (Japanese)  
>  _Watashi wa mō setsumei suru kotoba o mitsukeru koto ga dekimasen. Subete wa shinborudesu. Sore wa watashi ga omoidasu koto ga dekiru subetedesu. Shinboru wa, watashi wa mō iitai koto wa hatsugen shimasen._ \- I can’t find the words to explain anymore. Everything is symbols. It’s all I can remember. Symbols don’t express what I want to say anymore. (Japanese)  
>  _Watakushijishin. Mondai wa watashidesu._ \- Myself. The problem is me. (Japanese)  
>  _“Watashi wa yori ōku o motsu koto ga kanōda to omoimashita. Watashi wa machigatte ita._ \- I thought it was possible to have more. I was wrong. (Japanese)  
>  _Meiyo - Honor_ (Japanese)  
>  _Chūgi - Loyalty_ (Japanese)  
>  _Son'na ko to iwanaide kudasai_ \- Please don’t say that. (Japanese)  
>  _Aishiteru_ \- I love you (For lovers) (Japanese)  
>  _Watashi ga suru koto ga dekimasen watashi ni oshienaide kudasai_ \- Please do not tell me that I can’t do this. (Japanese)  
>  _Watashi wa anata ni naniyori mo daisuki_ \- I love you more than anything. (Japanese)


End file.
